What the Hell???

Okay, here’s what happened today. Up before dawn, shoved out the window, fed and then got a very brief and very poor version of a walk. The Stretched Out One Who Bounces Around A Lot ties me to the long orange rope and brings me out to the back where the squirrels are - beyond where the chickens are. Then she sits down with her coffee cup on the grass and says “go on Sylvester, Go Potty”. Is she freaking serious? I look at her and stop in my tracks. She continues with the “Go on Sylvester, Go Potty” business and I can’t believe what I am hearing. I lie down. She seems a little frustrated, and pops up and starts walking again. I guess my strategy worked, cuz we are moving again. However, next thing I know we are going back to the house. What??? Inside??? Now I’m frustrated.

Back in the house, there is much rushing about and then suddenly the door slams and the house goes silent. “Oh Goodie” I think… “I’m not in the CAGE.”

Time to check out the CATS.

It appears as though the entire intention of the arrangement of this house is to keep me AWAY from the CATS. Which I don’t understand at all because I love CATS….love to chase ‘em that is. First there is the CAGE and then there is the see-through walls. The see-through walls are really really annoying because I can SEE the CATS, but I can’t get to them. I tried to knock the see-through wall down the other day but The Bouncy One was all “NO Sylvester, NO Sylvester” in an angry voice. But I can stare at the CATS when they walk by and stick my nose through the bars of the see-through walls. The black one is kinda mean – sneers at me and makes a noise that sounds kinda scary for such a small thing . But I like him cause he shows up. The stripey one is less likely to be seen. Now, I don’t mean to judge, but the stripey one is FAT which may account for his laziness in coming by for visits.

So basically my day while the house was all silent went like this:

1. Check out Cats.
2. Nap
3. Stretch
4. Drink Some water
5. Repeat

Then all of a sudden, I hear the back door open and a “Sylvesterrrrrrrr”. It’s The Bouncy One. Damn, I was hoping for the Boy or the Girl. Oh well.

First thing she does is pet me on the head and then shove me out the window again (but actually I did have to go a little…it’s been hours!.)

Then I went on the most bizarre walk of my life.

She puts the orange rope on me and brings me to where the chickens are and ties me up and goes into this little building. I don’t even have time to begin to decide how to get over the fence to say hello to the chickens when I hear this god awful sound and the next thing I see is she’s rolling out of the building sitting on this big green and yellow thing that makes a really really loud sound. Then she grabs my rope and proceeds to drag me around while she sits on this really loud thing going back and forth, back and forth all over the grass. I have to stay on one side cuz there is all kinds of stuff blowing out of the thing on the other side.


Well this goes on for quite some time. It wasn’t that bad of a walk (I did need the exercise) but it was really loud and we didn’t go anywhere where I could smell stuff.

So, apparently, these two events constitute “walks” in this new home of mine.